They say the only constant in life is change. I believe that to be true. And if there is anything certain about change, it’s uncertainty. Just when you think things are moving along according to plan, Blam! something changes. Jobs, relationships, homes, and people come and go. Even when we look forward to a particular change — the beginning of a new year, a new job, or a new relationship — it’s natural to feel a mix of anticipation and fear. What if the job, relationship, or year doesn’t work out? What if the house deal falls through, or you aren’t able to finish that degree?

It’s natural to want to know the answers; we feel most secure when we do. I’m reminded of how my children, especially when young, always wanted to know what was going to happen next, and they rebelled when sudden changes were thrown their way. As adults, we may have learned to deal with the emotional curves more adeptly, at least on the outside, but the uncertainty that comes with change can still throw us for a loop.

Uncertainty makes me edgy, as though I’m walking in the dark. At any moment I might stub my toe, walk into a wall, or off a ledge. Uncertainty — the insecurity of not knowing if I’m going in the right direction or if I’m safe — prevents me from moving forward as boldly as I would like. I respond by inching my way along. I make lists, weigh alternatives, create the insurance policies of Plans B and C.

Yet uncertainty can lead to something wonderful as easily as to disaster. In a recent flying dream, just before my feet left the ground — that moment, that second when I didn’t know if it would work, my heart fluttered in my chest and seemed to move up into my throat. And then, suddenly, liftoff and elation! But the elation was mixed with dread: Would I stay aloft or would I crash to the ground? Only when I was certain that I really could fly did I allow myself to soar and take joy in the flying. But that brief moment of uncertainty seemed an eternity of torture.  And so it is in real life.

This Week’s Writing Prompts:

1. Freewrite for ten minutes about uncertainty.
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2. Do you remember feeling uncertain as a child? What did you feel uncertain about, what did you do to handle it, and how have your responses as a child affected your relationship to uncertainty as an adult?
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3. What do you do when you feel uncertain about your future? How do you handle those feelings and in what ways do you try to take control?
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4. What is uncertain in your life right now? What do you hope for and what are you afraid of relating to that uncertainty? Write two scenarios: 1) what you imagine life will be like if what you hope for occurs, and 2) what you imagine life will be like if what you fear occurs.
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5. What are the positive and negative aspects of uncertainty? Which weighs more for you, and why do you think this is so?
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6. If there was one area of life you could choose to be absolutely certain about, what would it be and why?
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7. If you could remove all uncertainty from life, would you? Why or why not?

I invite you to leave a comment and share your thoughts on this subject.

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Image Credit: Nicu Buculei

There’s something about the end of one year and the beginning of the next that invites review and reflection. Without this calendar marker, it’s really just another day—but, for me, January 1 always feels momentous. It’s like drawing a line in the sands of time between the past and the present: whatever happened in the past stays in the past. And though I acknowledge that the past affects my decisions now and in the future, a new year invites new awareness, new thinking, newness of all kinds. Perhaps this is one of the reasons I enjoy creating traditions for stepping over the line.

New Year’s Eve marks a point in time when one foot stands firmly on one side of that line, in the past, and the other foot in the present. And so, my New Year traditions include two parts:

Part One: Review and reflect on the past

I usually do this part of the tradition on New Year’s Eve, though I may also spend time during the first week of the New Year. First, I browse journal and calendar entries for the previous year, as well as last year’s New Year’s Chart (see below), to remind me of the various events and changes that occurred during the year. Note that I wrote “browse,” not “read,” because reading would take way too long, though I do read the letter I wrote to myself at the beginning of the previous year.

Then, I freewrite for twenty to thirty minutes, sometimes longer, with the following questions in mind (feel free to adapt this list in any way that works for you).

• What did I hope for and what did I accomplish?
• How has this year affected me personally and professionally?
• In what ways have I been disappointed and in what ways surprised and encouraged?
• What has been my greatest delight?
• Where have I let myself down?
• What has changed for me and within me?
• Have my values or beliefs shifted in any way?
• What fears have I overcome and/or what fears have I developed? And Am I more or less hopeful?
• How have I grown and what have I learned?

Part Two: Looking forward to the future

Create a New Year’s Chart. This is a fun, creative activity you can do alone or with other family members. When my children were little we used to do this together on New Year’s Day. You’ll need a large piece of paper and several colored markers. If you want to add fun (and time) to the activity, you can include glitter pen, stars, stickers, and pictures that you cut from magazines.

The think to keep in mind about this activity is that it is not about resolutions or even setting goals. It’s about wishing and dreaming and thinking large.

1. Write the new year in large numbers at the top of the page.
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2. Next, draw six circles and label the circles as follows (feel free to change these as suits you). Be sure to allow plenty of space around each circle:
   •  Things I want to do.
   •  Things I want to be.
   •  Things I want to learn.
   •  Things and people I want to see.
   •  Places I want to go.
   •  Adventures I want to have
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3. Choose a different color for each topic or give each person a different color, and begin brainstorming all the things you’d like to do, be, learn, and see, places you want to go and adventures you want to have, around each circle like spokes off a wheel. Categories to think about while brainstorming include relationships (family, intimate, friendship), work/career, recreation, health, spirituality, community, and education.
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4. When you’re done, post the chart on a wall. You can continue to add to it as you see fit over the next week or so. You may decide to keep it up on the wall all year as a reminder or to put it away and bring it out next New Year’s eve during the Review and Reflect part of your own personal New Year’s tradition.

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Sand Image based on photo by the_girl
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Every man has his own courage, and is betrayed because he seeks in himself the courage of other persons.
~Ralph Waldo Emerson

What do you picture when you think of courage? I picture children and adults with serious illnesses who manage to inspire others by maintaining positive outlooks; activists for social justice who peacefully stand their ground in the face of police brutality; people who put their lives in danger to save others (firemen, police, and heroes); and mountain climbers, astronauts, and explorers of unknown territories. These images of people gracefully facing their fears are probably typical associations with courage.

I don’t think of myself as a courageous person. But there are smaller, everyday versions of courage, too. Versions that I have exhibited: speaking up when I observe someone mistreating another; holding my own when someone tries to intimidate me; interviewing for a job; asking for a raise; and—even—saying “no” to a child who desperately wants something, something I would love to be able to say “yes” to, but which would not be in his best interests. Smaller ways of being courageous, but still requiring facing fear of some kind.

I guess that’s my personal definition of courage: facing one’s fear and doing what you feel is right in spite of that fear.

This Week’s Journal Writing Prompts:

1. What’s your personal definition of courage? Have there been times in your life when you’ve needed to be courageous? Write about one of those times: what was the situation and what did you do?
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2. Is there someone in your life whom you would characterize as courageous? If so, in what ways? Write about what, in this person’s courage and demeanor, you admire. Then write about the ways in which you, also, exhibit these same qualities (you know you do).
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3. What do you think C.S. Lewis meant by, “Courage is not simply one of the virtues, but the form of every virtue at the testing point.” Describe how courage might come into play when another virtue is challenged in some way.
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4. Complete the following sentences: “Every day, I am afraid of …” and “Every day, I show courage by …”
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5. Write about the ways in which your views of courage were shaped. How did family attitudes, movies, and books influence your beliefs about courage? Of these, which seems the most important or influential? (Hint: it’s the one that pops into your mind as a powerful memory image.) Do you believe these influences were beneficial, or not, and why?
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6. Sometimes, it takes courage just to be yourself in the face of a societal norm that doesn’t accept you. Are you or do you know someone like this? Maybe you’ve always been told you’re too loud, draw too much attention to yourself (or not enough), take too many risks (or not enough); maybe you have the wrong sexual orientation or religious beliefs to be accepted by your neighbors; maybe you’ve had to fight to accept yourself. If so, in what ways do you hide yourself and in what ways do you express yourself? In this context, would you say you’re courageous or not, and why?
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7. Describe an area of your life in which you wish you were more courageous? What is it, and how would you benefit

I would love to read your thoughts about courage—please leave a comment.
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Image Credit: Dougal McGuire
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Do you regret wrong decisions you’ve made? What does it really mean to feel regret? And is life better without it?

In the following TED talk, Kathryn Schulz makes a strong case for accepting regret as a positive and reasonable emotional response to bad decisions and mistakes. “We should feel pain when things go wrong,” she says.

Schulz lists the ways we commonly deal with the pain of regret—most of them, negative—including denial, bafflement, self-punishment, and obsession. I encourage you to watch her 16-minute video and then continue on to ideas for journaling about this sensitive topic.

If the video isn’t displaying correctly, use this link: Kathryn Schulz Talk

Based on her lecture, explore your unique ways of responding to regret by writing about it:

• What does regret feel like to you? Describe regret using images.
• When you feel regret, in what ways do you cope with it or try to make it go away?
• In what ways do you punish yourself for your perceived mistakes?
• In what ways do you obsess about the mistakes or wrong decisions you’ve made in life?

Schulz leave us with the following words: “The point isn’t to live without any regrets. The point is to not hate ourselves for having them. We need to learn to love the flawed, imperfect things we create and to forgive ourselves for creating them.”

• Do you agree with her? And if so, how might you incorporate her advice into your life?

I invite you to join the conversation—leave a comment.
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Reading Purge: Rehab Diaries and interviewing author Nicole Johns last week has made me more aware of body image—a touchy subject for most of us, man or woman, boy or girl—and the many ways in which it affects us. How often I, for instance, look into a mirror and see only the unwanted bulges, bumps, and wrinkles on my body. The frequency with which I complain about the fit of my clothes or the numbers blinking at me from my digital scale.

At the same time, I am looking forward to Thanksgiving, a time of family gathering together, sharing stories, laughter, food, and more. Thanksgiving reminds me to be more cognizant of all that is good in my life. Including my body, though lately I have taken for granted how well it serves me.

Therefore, this week’s journaling prompts and related short exercises—as much a reminder to me as to you—are about gratitude and body image: using gratitude to affect body image and to help us see ourselves in a more positive light.

1. How do you typically relate to your body? Do you think it’s too fat, too thin, too flabby, too old, or something else? Take a moment to stand in front of a full-length mirror, noticing the thoughts you have. Then freewrite for ten minutes about what you experienced. If you want, make a list of all the things your body was “too much” or “too little” of.
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2. Engage in a mild physical activity for five or ten minutes. As you do so, be aware, beginning at your toes and moving upward, of how your body works for you. Think about how your muscles and skeleton supports you in your activity. Feel your heart pumping blood through your body, your lungs expanding and contracting as you breathe, your muscles contracting and stretching as you move. When you’re done, sit down and write a brief thank you letter to your body. Thank each body part that functioned well. And if you experienced any pain or dysfunction, thank that body part for the message it’s providing you about your health, and the surrounding body parts for supporting the weaker ones. How do you feel after completing this exercise?
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3. Stand in front of a small mirror, reflecting just your face. Pretend you are a stranger and you are meeting yourself for the first time, curious about this person you are meeting. Look at the shape of his or her face, hair, and look deeply into his or her eyes. What do they tell you about this person’s personality? What aspects of this person’s face and expressions attract you? Now, still pretending you are this stranger, write in your journal about the person you just met. Write in great detail about those of his or her features you liked.
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4. Repeat #3 with a full-length mirror, taking the whole person into consideration.
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5. Make a list of ten body parts—seen and unseen—for which you are grateful. For each body part listed, write why you feel gratitude.
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6. Pick three “negative” qualities you wrote about for prompt #1 and, for each quality, complete the following sentence, more than once: I am grateful for ________ because … . For example, if I wrote that my hips were too wide, I could now write: I am grateful for my wide hips because they made childbearing so much easier … or because my lover thinks they’re sexy … or … they make my waist look smaller.
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7. Select one area of your body that you have consistently resisted and battled with over the years. It could be weight, the shape of your nose, narrow shoulders, whatever. (First, if you didn’t do #6, or you didn’t address this issue using that prompt, complete it now with this body area mind.) Using your gratitude statement from #6, write at least one affirmation for yourself, written as though you are speaking to someone else. Using my example, I could write: Your hips are beautiful because they are sexy and shapely.
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   Then, each morning and each evening, stand in front of a mirror, look into your own eyes, and repeat this affirmation three times. Do this for one week, then write in your journal about how you feel about that area of your body. Has your perception of your body changed in any way?

I invite you to leave a comment and share one discovery of gratitude about your body this week.

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Image Credit: Kate Ware
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Halloween, All Hallows Eve, Día de los Muertos, Samhain — ritual celebrations of death, the end of harvest, and the transition into the cold, dark winter. The ancient Celts believed the boundary between the worlds of the living and the dead to be thin and permeable this time of year, when ghosts roam the earth causing trouble. The Celts built giant bonfires and wore animal skins and heads as costumes to ward off the ghosts. They also left treats on their doorsteps and set places at the table for their deceased loved ones.

The customs of wearing costumes, creating altars honoring the dead, and leaving treats or candy for them are practiced, in one form or another, throughout much of the world. Here in the U.S., our ghosts (and therefore the costumes depicting them) are malicious, evil, and frightening.

Halloween movies are full of zombies, vampires, horrible bloodthirsty creatures that never die. The fear titillates and repels us in equal measure. In fact, based on the many thrill-seeking pastimes we engage in — scary movies, bungee jumping, parachuting, and riding roller coasters — you could say that we like to be scared.

In a 1949 article, “The Enjoyment of Fear,” Alfred Hitchcock wrote:

For every person who seeks fear in the real or personal sense, millions seek it vicariously, in the theater and in the cinema. In darkened auditoriums they identify themselves with fictitious characters who are experiencing fear, and experience, themselves, the same fear sensations (the quickened pulse, the alternately dry and damp palm, etc.), but without paying the price. (Italics mine.)

At the bottom of all this thrill seeking is a primal fear of death, which we all experience to some degree. And each of us responds to this fear differently. Some face it in small ways through the above mentioned movies and activities. Others deny the fear by refusing to think or talk about death, yet find themselves confronted with it when they or someone close to them becomes seriously ill or passes on. (Even the phrase “passes on” is a gentler, more palatable term for death.) Some find comfort in the idea of an afterlife.

Perhaps, in addition to dressing up in costume and handing out candy, this is an excellent time of year to explore our own feelings, attitudes, and behaviors surrounding death.

1. How do you deal with fear of dying? Close your eyes and imagine that your own death is imminent. Write about any thoughts, emotions, and physical reactions you experience.
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2. What does “to die” mean to you? Does it mean oblivion, a final ending of life? Does it mean some sort of afterlife or rebirth? Freewrite for ten minutes about your perceptions and beliefs. Then freewrite another ten minutes, exploring their opposite. If, for example, you believe that there is no “death” and that consciousness is reincarnated into new bodies, explore the idea of finality, of nothingness. What do you notice as you write?
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3. Which do you think would be worse: your own death or the death of a loved one? Why?
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4. What do rituals and/or celebrations this time of year mean to you if anything? In what ways do you participate in them, and how do they influence your thinking or feeling on the subject of death?
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5. Consider the following quotes:
   • The fear of death follows from the fear of life.  A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time. ~Mark Twain
   • We understand death for the first time when he puts his hand upon one whom we love. ~Madame de Stael
   • I knew a man who once said, “death smiles at us all; all a man can do is smile back. ~From the movie Gladiator
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     Which quote most resonates with you? Write about what the quote stirs up for you, including images, memories, and emotions.
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6. Write a short fictional story using thoughts, ideas, and discoveries that came from writing in response to the previous prompts.

As we transition through fall to winter, it’s natural to turn inward and to reflect on symbols reflected in nature: waning, death, decay, hibernation, and darkness. Using writing to explore topics we most want to avoid thinking about can be illuminating. I encourage you to try it — see where it leads.

And, if you’re so inclined, share a comment below.

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Related Articles:

A Week’s Worth of Journaling Prompts: Vulnerability
A Week’s Worth of Journaling Prompts: Fear of Failure
Día de los Muertos

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Image Credit: Doug Wheller

Have you ever noticed how some people are able to tolerate a great deal of discomfort and pain, while others yelp or yell or complain about the slightest little things (or at least that’s how it seems to you)? Discomfort is a term that covers a wide range of emotional and physical responses, from the mild discomfort of confusion all the way to physical pain. Levels of tolerance for discomfort are individual and subjective experiences, and what we consider uncomfortable seems to be more about us–our reactions to things–than to the reality of the things themselves.

Most of my life, I considered myself to have a low tolerance for pain and discomfort, because my mother used to tell me I was a big baby. That I cried and complained too much. In context with my five brothers (I’m the only girl), it must have seemed that way to her. But over the years, the feedback I’ve gotten from doctors and others is that I have a fairly high pain tolerance. And I’ve noticed that I don’t tend to get ruffled by the small stuff (it feels small to me, anyway). I wonder, then what’s low and what’s high? And why do we all have so many different reactions to discomfort?

Searching the Internet, I’ve discovered that studies don’t shed any light on the subject. Some studies say that pain tolerance is gender-based, with some contending that women have a higher pain tolerance than men and others concluding the opposite. Some say it’s age-related. Others say it’s all up to genetics. I read one headline stating that laughter increases pain tolerance, and another saying that swearing relieves pain (now you have an excuse for all those expletives when you knock your shin against something).

This week’s journaling prompts are designed to help you explore your attitudes and beliefs about discomfort and pain.

1. Do you consider yourself to have a high tolerance for discomfort and pain? Why or why not? And when did you first begin to categorize your way of dealing with it?
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2. When you think of “discomfort,” what kinds of things–physical, situational, or emotional–do you think of? What about “pain”? Where do you draw the line between the two?
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3. When you were young, was it important to you to “be brave,” and hide your discomfort? Write about the ways in which this was or was not true for you, and who influenced your attitudes.
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4. Are you experiencing any discomfort or pain in your life right now? If so, write about its physical sensations (even with emotional discomfort, you will have physical reactions). If not, try to remember the last time you experienced discomfort and write about its physical sensations. What do you notice about the experience of writing on this topic?
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5. In your opinion, what kinds of people have high tolerances for discomfort and what kinds of people have low? Can you picture them in your mind? Write a brief (2-3 paragraph) description of each kind of person. When did you begin to believe in these characterizations? What or who influenced you?
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6. When you are in minor pain or discomfort, how do you usually deal with it? Do you talk to friends? Seek counseling? Head for the bottle of pain killers? Do you resist pain killers? Freewrite for ten minutes about how you deal with minor discomfort.
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7. Create a discomfort scale. On a piece of paper, draw a horizontal line. On the left side of the line, write down the mildest form of emotional discomfort you can imagine. On the right side of the line, write down the most severe form you can imagine. Fill in the scale with at least five other forms, from least to worst (left to right). When you’re done, write what you notice about your scale. Repeat this exercise for physical discomfort.

I invite you to share with other readers by leaving a comment. Have you ever thought about your attitudes regarding discomfort before? Yes or no, what was revealed to you about yourself by writing on this topic?

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Image Credit: Ben Seidelman
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I had been packing for weeks. The boxes were clearly labeled with their contents and which room they belonged in. Yet when the moving van arrived, every surface overflowed with items that still needed to be boxed, the pictures hung on the walls, and the still-full garage mocked us. Luckily, we were only moving a short distance — had we planned to move to another city or state, everything would have had to be ready to go.

Four days later, boxes line the walls of our new home, we’re still trying to find essentials, and figuring out where everything fits.

Life has many stressful moments: changing jobs, family changes, loss of loved ones, and moving top the list. But we don’t have to let stress take us over; writing in your journal can help alleviate stress and tension. As someone who has journaled since I was very young, I can personally testify to its effectiveness. And, while it may not be possible to write in your journal during the actual hustle and bustle of moving, journaling is a way to reflect on past moves and to think about what the current move means for your future.

Just before and after a move, and perhaps while you’re in the middle of it, write about the emotional aspects of the move — the stress, the excitement, the fear, the just-plain-tiredness of it all. Write about why you are moving, and how you feel about this particular move. How is it different or similar to previous moves? Do you move so frequently that memories of where you’ve lived seem to blur together, or is moving a landmark event in your life?

Your journal is the space where you can complain and whine and be grateful all at once. It is your private place to wonder what the future holds and to explore its possibilities, without judgment or censorship of any kind. It is a private room where you don’t have to be strong or good or kind, though you may be all those things. A place you can let down your guard and allow yourself to be the imperfect human that you are.

And when you’re done writing all those things. Take a deep breath, let it out, and get back to work with renewed purpose.

In what ways have you successfully handled the stress of moving? Has journaling been one of them? Share your experience by leaving a comment.

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Image Credit: Avi

“We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope.” ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

DISAPPOINTMENT is the opposite of optimism, hopeful anticipation, and joy. We feel disappointed when something we’ve hoped for or expected doesn’t occur. Perhaps you’ve worked for a reward — a promotion, a raise, an acknowledgement of some kind — that didn’t materialize. Or someone made a promise to you that he didn’t keep. Whatever the reason, even the youngest of us has experienced disappointment.

It’s one of those “negative emotions” that, like frustration, anger, and emotional hurt, just doesn’t feel good. As soon as something happens to create disappointment, we want it to go away. Some of us quickly create a new goal, a new plan — action catapults us out of our feelings and into our heads. Others nurture the disappointment, letting it grow into frustration and anger. And others allow it to represent the story of their lives, sinking into despondency. What each of these responses fails to do is to look truthfully at the source of the disappointment and to find the value in it.

Journal Writing about your disappointment can help you find the value in any so-called negative emotion. Emotion, after all, is just energy. And when you guide emotional energy into positive channels, you can experience positive outcomes and even shift your emotion to something more desirable. So next time you feel disappointed about something, grab your notebook and pen and write about it. Some things to consider while writing through disappointment:

• Go ahead and rant! Hey, it’s okay to feel bad once in a while. Rant on paper to burn up some of that negative energy. Then move forward. (See the rest of the bullets for writing ideas.)
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• What passion or sense of caring is at the source of your disappointment? In what other ways does this passion show itself positively in your life?
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• How can this disappointment become an opportunity for growth? What mistake in your thinking did you make? Were your expectations unrealistic, or did you misplace trust in someone? What can you learn, in a positive sense about this situation? (Deciding not to trust anyone ever again, is not what I mean by “positive.”)
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• In what ways can you change your goals and/or expectations to make them more realistic and achievable?
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• How are you receiving your desired outcomes in other ways? (Maybe you didn’t get that job, but you received positive feedback from a colleague about some other aspect of your work, which could lead you in another direction altogether.)
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• Is this a case of needing patience and perseverance — to keep pursuing your goal — or is it a case of needing to move on? What does either scenario mean to you? And if this door has closed, what other door(s) might open?
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• Might this disappointment represent an unhealthy attachment to something? What would happen if you relaxed and let go?
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• Look up some quotes about disappointment and then write about your reactions to them. Here’s one I found: “Disappointment to a noble soul is what cold water is to burning metal; it strengthens, tempers, intensifies, but never destroys it.” ~ Eliza Tabor

These bullet points are ideas to get you started. Once you begin writing about your feelings of disappointment, you will most likely generate new ways of thinking that help you to see events in a different light.

How do you use journaling and life-writing to help move through disappointment? Do you have some ideas that might help others? Leave a comment and let us know.

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Image Credit: Meredith Farmer
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WHETHER or not to start a family has never been a simple decision, but it’s more complicated today that it has ever been. If you’re facing this decision, journaling about it can help you gain clarity by sorting out the emotional and practical aspects of what it means for you personally.

When I married at the age of 18, women’s rights and feminist movements were still pretty new. Women were expected to marry young and immediately have children. Between the early seventies and 2010, however, the average age for a woman to get married in the United States increased from age 20 to 25 (the average age for men increased from 24 to 27), and the average age for a first-time mother increased from 21.4 to age 25. Most notably, first births by women age 35 and older increased by more than 50%.*

These changes are due to a number of factors, including an increase in access to higher education, the desire to establish careers and financial security before having children, later marriages, increased life expectancies, medical advances that make later births safer, and changed societal expectations.

So how do you know if having children is the right thing for you at this time in your life? Well, nothing in life is certain, but when we explore feelings, thoughts, and attitudes by journaling about them, we can gain clarity about our general sense of direction and, I believe, make more informed decisions.

Here are a few journaling prompts to get you started:

• What expectations about marriage and family do you feel were placed upon you as you grew up by society and by your family of origin? Did you agree or disagree with those expectations? Has your attitude about them changed over time? And do you feel any conflict between those expectations and your current desires? If so, write about the kinds of feelings and thoughts this conflict engenders.
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• Do you and your spouse/partner agree about the right time to have children, or is one of you feeling a greater sense of urgency? Is one putting pressure on the other, or have either of you changed your mind about when to have children? Write about your relationship to your partner with regards to starting a family.
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• How many children do you want to have, and what influences have affected that number? Does your partner agree or disagree with you, or have you discussed this number? Have you talked about what that might mean for your future, in terms of career and lifestyle? What would it mean if  you waited five years, or ten?
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• Write about all your hopes that are associated with starting a family. Now write about all your fears. Look back at what you’ve written. Which area has the longest section written about it — the hopes or the fears? Do your hopes and fears spring from realism or from romanticism, from life experience or other source?
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• What conflicts do you have with the idea of having children? Will starting a family stall your career? Do you feel financially secure? Does it matter?
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• Make two columns and in one column write down all the reasons you want to have children at this time; in the other column all the reasons you don’t want to have children at this time. Now, assign a weight to each item, where 10 is heavy (important) and 1 is light (not important). Add up the numbers in each column. What do you see? What is your emotional response to the numbers? Write about your response.

Taking the time to journal about your big decisions, to examine your thoughts, attitudes, and feelings can help you to gain real clarity. Sometimes, we come to realize that all the pro’s and con’s and lists of what’s practical and what’s not have no real meaning. We’re ready, and we know it, regardless of our current circumstances. At other times, we find that we have some real issues that we haven’t considered that need to be dealt with before we can make a decision.

Journaling alone, and then sharing your thoughts with each other, can also create a bridge to meaningful communication.

And if you’re new to this idea of writing through life — or simply want additional writing reinforcement — be sure to sign up for my FREE Journaling 101 e-mail course (use the form on the right)

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Photo by Gabi Menashe
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