There’s something about the end of one year and the beginning of the next that invites review and reflection. Without this calendar marker, it’s really just another day—but, for me, January 1 always feels momentous. It’s like drawing a line in the sands of time between the past and the present: whatever happened in the past stays in the past. And though I acknowledge that the past affects my decisions now and in the future, a new year invites new awareness, new thinking, newness of all kinds. Perhaps this is one of the reasons I enjoy creating traditions for stepping over the line.

New Year’s Eve marks a point in time when one foot stands firmly on one side of that line, in the past, and the other foot in the present. And so, my New Year traditions include two parts:

Part One: Review and reflect on the past

I usually do this part of the tradition on New Year’s Eve, though I may also spend time during the first week of the New Year. First, I browse journal and calendar entries for the previous year, as well as last year’s New Year’s Chart (see below), to remind me of the various events and changes that occurred during the year. Note that I wrote “browse,” not “read,” because reading would take way too long, though I do read the letter I wrote to myself at the beginning of the previous year.

Then, I freewrite for twenty to thirty minutes, sometimes longer, with the following questions in mind (feel free to adapt this list in any way that works for you).

• What did I hope for and what did I accomplish?
• How has this year affected me personally and professionally?
• In what ways have I been disappointed and in what ways surprised and encouraged?
• What has been my greatest delight?
• Where have I let myself down?
• What has changed for me and within me?
• Have my values or beliefs shifted in any way?
• What fears have I overcome and/or what fears have I developed? And Am I more or less hopeful?
• How have I grown and what have I learned?

Part Two: Looking forward to the future

Create a New Year’s Chart. This is a fun, creative activity you can do alone or with other family members. When my children were little we used to do this together on New Year’s Day. You’ll need a large piece of paper and several colored markers. If you want to add fun (and time) to the activity, you can include glitter pen, stars, stickers, and pictures that you cut from magazines.

The think to keep in mind about this activity is that it is not about resolutions or even setting goals. It’s about wishing and dreaming and thinking large.

1. Write the new year in large numbers at the top of the page.
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2. Next, draw six circles and label the circles as follows (feel free to change these as suits you). Be sure to allow plenty of space around each circle:
   •  Things I want to do.
   •  Things I want to be.
   •  Things I want to learn.
   •  Things and people I want to see.
   •  Places I want to go.
   •  Adventures I want to have
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3. Choose a different color for each topic or give each person a different color, and begin brainstorming all the things you’d like to do, be, learn, and see, places you want to go and adventures you want to have, around each circle like spokes off a wheel. Categories to think about while brainstorming include relationships (family, intimate, friendship), work/career, recreation, health, spirituality, community, and education.
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4. When you’re done, post the chart on a wall. You can continue to add to it as you see fit over the next week or so. You may decide to keep it up on the wall all year as a reminder or to put it away and bring it out next New Year’s eve during the Review and Reflect part of your own personal New Year’s tradition.

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Sand Image based on photo by the_girl
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I had been packing for weeks. The boxes were clearly labeled with their contents and which room they belonged in. Yet when the moving van arrived, every surface overflowed with items that still needed to be boxed, the pictures hung on the walls, and the still-full garage mocked us. Luckily, we were only moving a short distance — had we planned to move to another city or state, everything would have had to be ready to go.

Four days later, boxes line the walls of our new home, we’re still trying to find essentials, and figuring out where everything fits.

Life has many stressful moments: changing jobs, family changes, loss of loved ones, and moving top the list. But we don’t have to let stress take us over; writing in your journal can help alleviate stress and tension. As someone who has journaled since I was very young, I can personally testify to its effectiveness. And, while it may not be possible to write in your journal during the actual hustle and bustle of moving, journaling is a way to reflect on past moves and to think about what the current move means for your future.

Just before and after a move, and perhaps while you’re in the middle of it, write about the emotional aspects of the move — the stress, the excitement, the fear, the just-plain-tiredness of it all. Write about why you are moving, and how you feel about this particular move. How is it different or similar to previous moves? Do you move so frequently that memories of where you’ve lived seem to blur together, or is moving a landmark event in your life?

Your journal is the space where you can complain and whine and be grateful all at once. It is your private place to wonder what the future holds and to explore its possibilities, without judgment or censorship of any kind. It is a private room where you don’t have to be strong or good or kind, though you may be all those things. A place you can let down your guard and allow yourself to be the imperfect human that you are.

And when you’re done writing all those things. Take a deep breath, let it out, and get back to work with renewed purpose.

In what ways have you successfully handled the stress of moving? Has journaling been one of them? Share your experience by leaving a comment.

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Image Credit: Avi

WHETHER or not to start a family has never been a simple decision, but it’s more complicated today that it has ever been. If you’re facing this decision, journaling about it can help you gain clarity by sorting out the emotional and practical aspects of what it means for you personally.

When I married at the age of 18, women’s rights and feminist movements were still pretty new. Women were expected to marry young and immediately have children. Between the early seventies and 2010, however, the average age for a woman to get married in the United States increased from age 20 to 25 (the average age for men increased from 24 to 27), and the average age for a first-time mother increased from 21.4 to age 25. Most notably, first births by women age 35 and older increased by more than 50%.*

These changes are due to a number of factors, including an increase in access to higher education, the desire to establish careers and financial security before having children, later marriages, increased life expectancies, medical advances that make later births safer, and changed societal expectations.

So how do you know if having children is the right thing for you at this time in your life? Well, nothing in life is certain, but when we explore feelings, thoughts, and attitudes by journaling about them, we can gain clarity about our general sense of direction and, I believe, make more informed decisions.

Here are a few journaling prompts to get you started:

• What expectations about marriage and family do you feel were placed upon you as you grew up by society and by your family of origin? Did you agree or disagree with those expectations? Has your attitude about them changed over time? And do you feel any conflict between those expectations and your current desires? If so, write about the kinds of feelings and thoughts this conflict engenders.
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• Do you and your spouse/partner agree about the right time to have children, or is one of you feeling a greater sense of urgency? Is one putting pressure on the other, or have either of you changed your mind about when to have children? Write about your relationship to your partner with regards to starting a family.
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• How many children do you want to have, and what influences have affected that number? Does your partner agree or disagree with you, or have you discussed this number? Have you talked about what that might mean for your future, in terms of career and lifestyle? What would it mean if  you waited five years, or ten?
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• Write about all your hopes that are associated with starting a family. Now write about all your fears. Look back at what you’ve written. Which area has the longest section written about it — the hopes or the fears? Do your hopes and fears spring from realism or from romanticism, from life experience or other source?
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• What conflicts do you have with the idea of having children? Will starting a family stall your career? Do you feel financially secure? Does it matter?
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• Make two columns and in one column write down all the reasons you want to have children at this time; in the other column all the reasons you don’t want to have children at this time. Now, assign a weight to each item, where 10 is heavy (important) and 1 is light (not important). Add up the numbers in each column. What do you see? What is your emotional response to the numbers? Write about your response.

Taking the time to journal about your big decisions, to examine your thoughts, attitudes, and feelings can help you to gain real clarity. Sometimes, we come to realize that all the pro’s and con’s and lists of what’s practical and what’s not have no real meaning. We’re ready, and we know it, regardless of our current circumstances. At other times, we find that we have some real issues that we haven’t considered that need to be dealt with before we can make a decision.

Journaling alone, and then sharing your thoughts with each other, can also create a bridge to meaningful communication.

And if you’re new to this idea of writing through life — or simply want additional writing reinforcement — be sure to sign up for my FREE Journaling 101 e-mail course (use the form on the right)

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Photo by Gabi Menashe
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WHETHER you are a teenager or living with one, adolescence is no easy road to traverse. There are the mood swings, the messed up circadian rhythm, the need for more hours of sleep vs. the school schedule, and the angst of daily social life. If you’re a teen, parents suddenly reveal a complete lack of understanding for who you are. And if you’re a parent, your teen transforms overnight into someone foreign and suspicious of all your good intentions.

Adolescence is a time of confusion for everyone involved, including siblings. And I’ll bet my next bit of advice is going to come as a big surprise: writing can help. How, exactly? Here are three valuable ways that journal writing can support you during this phase of life:

• Writing is like counting to ten — only longer. When biting your tongue and counting to ten is just not enough (no matter which side of the fence you’re on), writing about how you’re feeling can help diffuse the situation. You’re less likely to say things you’ll later regret and more likely to think about the other person’s point of view.
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• Through writing, you can explore and clarify your feelings — particularly important when you have conflicting feelings or ambiguity.
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• Through writing, you can imagine best and worst case scenarios, have imaginary conversations, and write letters to your parents/children, working out some of the issues that could come up before you actually have that face-to-face conversation.

If you’re experiencing adolescence in any way — personally or as a family member — here are a few journaling prompts to get you started.

If you’re a teen:

1. Make a list of the problems you have in your life right now. Then write about the emotions associated with those problems. (For example, let’s say one of your problems is that you just found out your best friend has been gossiping about you. Emotions may include hurt, anger, wanting revenge, jealousy, and more.) Write about different ways you could handle or express those emotions that would be constructive rather than destructive to yourself and others.
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2. How do you feel about living in your home right now? Are there things you don’t like? What are they? What could you do to help things improve? Write down all the things you like about living in your home.
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3. Do you like your body? Why or why not? Make a list of all the things you like about your body (the list should include physical abilities as well as appearance) and why you like them.

If you’re a sibling of a teen:

1. What changes do you notice most in your brother or sister? How do you feel about these changes?
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2. If you’re younger, write about the kind of person you’d like to be when you’re a teenager. If you’re older, write about the kind of person you think you were as a teenager and, if you had it to do over again, what you would do differently.
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3. Is there any way you could make life easier for your teen brother or sister? Would there be any advantages to you to do so? Write about the possibilities as you see them.

If you’re a parent or other adult relative of a teen:

1. What do you remember most about being a teenager? And what do you remember about your attitude towards and relationship to your parent(s)?
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2. If you could go back and do it again, what kind of teen would you like to have been? Would you be different than you were? If so, how and why?
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3. Make a list of some of the problems you think your teen is experiencing in his or her life right now and what worries you most. What kinds of emotions do you imagine your teen is feeling and what emotions are you experiencing as a result of those problems? What are some of the ways that you think each of you could constructively express those emotions? If s/he is willing, compare lists (see #1 under “If you’re a teen”).
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4. Make a list of the different ways you could strengthen your relationship with your teen. What action could you take today or tomorrow to start? Do you have any resistance to taking this action? If so, why? If not, what has held you back in the past?

Adolescence is a time of tremendous and rapid change — and not just physical. It is the final stage of childhood before becoming an adult. Learning to develop meaningful relationships and make good decisions are a part of this process, which of course means making lots of mistakes. And mistakes, as we all know, are the fastest way to learn.

Please join the conversation by writing your thoughts in the comments field below.

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Image Credit: PrettyKateMachine

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YOU CAN ALWAYS spot women who are going through menopause by our fans, which we pull out of purses or coat pockets, unfurl, and wave wildly in the general direction of our faces. The low-tech, folding variety haven’t been in popular use in the States since the early 20th century, and a woman with a fan stands out like a screaming child in line at the checkout stand. Still, the relief fans offer is worth the furtive stares. I ought to know, as I have suffered with up to five or six flashes an hour for over a year, in spite of myriad natural herbs and supplements I’ve tried.

In addition to instant hot flash relief, I’ve found other uses for fans. They are handy devices for getting sympathetic murmurs from other women, making new friends, and gaining opportunities to show off pictures of your grandchildren. Just the other day, I stopped by the local yarn shop to buy a new pattern book. While the clerk rang up my sale, I felt the familiar rush of blood followed by the also-familiar sheen of perspiration. I retrieved my fan from my purse and began waving it, sighing at the relief. Instantly, the six or so women who were gathered at the front of the shop for their weekly get-together began commiserating. Since I was the youngest of the bunch, I got to hear all about how “it just gets worse,” and “they never really go away.” Thanks, ladies, I needed some encouragement.

But the encounter gave me an idea: Fan Wavers International. Our mission would be to distribute free fans to menopausal women around the world who suffer from hot flashes. We could even develop special distress signals. For example, a twist of the fan to the right could mean, “Intense flash, bring ice!” Or waving it overhead could mean, “One fan isn’t working, bring a second!”

Okay, I have to admit the idea is a little crazy, but then crazy is exactly how this time of life feels. In the meantime, fan anyone?

OUR LIVES ARE MARKED by months, seasons, and years. To celebrate these turning points and rites of passage, we’ve created traditions and formal rituals. We celebrate birthdays, religious holidays, weddings, and graduation from kindergarten, high school and college. We memorialize those we love through funeral services. And every year, at the end of the old year and the beginning of a new one—no matter the calendar—we mark the turning of the year with the traditions of our cultures.

All around the world, the new year is celebrated with fireworks, drinking, and dancing. In the United States we put on parades, parties, and drop the ball in New York’s busy Times Square. People toast in the new year at midnight with champagne and kisses.

On New Year’s Day in northern countries, self-named “Polar Bear” clubs dive into frigid waters. In the U.S., families eat traditional “lucky” foods, such as black-eyed peas and greens, and watch football on television. It’s also tradition for millions of Americans to make New Year’s resolutions—promises to themselves—to make changes in one or more areas of their lives. They promise to lose weight, exercise more, stop smoking, change jobs, go back to school, and be nicer to the neighbors. They will volunteer at their local homeless shelter and put more money into savings. Or they will meditate and practice yoga on a daily basis. Though it’s well known that fewer than 12% of people who make resolutions achieve their goals, people continue to make them.

Then, there are the personal and family rituals. For years, instead of making resolutions, I have made a list of goals. A list that I would refer to often during the year and use as a guideline for action.

When my two youngest children were still living at home, I began a New Year’s family tradition. On January 1st, I would tack a poster-sized piece of colored paper to the wall and draw five labeled circles on it: Things I Want to Do; Things I Want to Learn; Places I Want to Go; Things I Want to See; Ways I Want to Be. Then each of us would choose a different colored marker and write, in mind-mapped spokes of color, our wishes for the new year. For example, I might choose the red pen and write Speak Spanish or Tango as a spoke from the Things I Want to Learn circle.

We would leave the poster on the wall for a couple of days in case any of us wanted to add something to it. Then I would put it away, to be taken out and reviewed at the end of the year, on New Year’s Eve. How much had we learned, done, or seen that year? Had we managed to become who we wanted to be? Did we get to go to some of the places we dreamed about? Often, we were pleasantly surprised by how much we’d actually accomplished.

Now, my children are grown—well, except for my youngest who is a teen and wouldn’t be caught dead doing anything like that with his mother. So, this year, I decided to begin a new personal tradition. Instead of the usual list of goals, I wrote a long letter to myself. The letter was not about wishes, dreams, lists, or desires. It was a series of predictions for the coming year. With some questions in mind—What kind of year would it be? Would I move forward or change directions? What about my love relationship? Relationships with my children? —I tapped into a place of inner wisdom and answered those questions.

At the end of the year, on New Year’s Eve, I intend to open the letter and see how accurate it was. Then, on New Year’s day, I’ll write another. This could be fun!

Do you have a special personal or family tradition you’d like to share? If so, please leave a comment below. Who knows? You could start a new world movement.

In gratitude to you for visiting my pages and reading my blog, click on the following link to download, absolutely FREE, the introduction to my course,  “Journaling Through the Chakras: a unique path to self discovery.”

And may you have a prosperous and joyful year in 2010.

There’s an old saying: “The only constant in life is change.” If that’s true, and I believe it is, you’d think that we’d all be quite comfortable living our lives in the midst of a changing world. Yet, mention the word “change,” and people get worried. Even when we seek change — in government, in law, or in our own personal lives — when the change actually occurs, we often have a difficult time adjusting to it.

The secret to understanding how to successfully cope with change is actually quite simple: It all comes down to transforming our attitude, from one of resisting change to embracing it. That’s right — by changing how we feel, we can transform a negative experience to a positive one. It’s even possible to move from oneself from hating change to loving it!

Resistance to change is a natural result of fear, and fear is a natural response to something we perceive as threatening or dangerous in some way. Any change, even one we think we want, can have a domino effect, causing unexpected ripples of change in other areas of life, which we perceive as threatening. The key word in the last few sentences is “perceive.” When we begin to think positively about something, we change our perception of it, which changes our feelings about it and, therefore, our attitudes.

Think about this: the physiological symptoms of anxiety (fear) include rapid or irregular heart rate, rapid breathing, feeling lightheaded, and/or sweating. Interestingly, these are the very same symptoms we experience when we are excited about something! Think of the last time you rode a roller coaster. If you feared the ride, you probably had all those symptoms, called it nervousness, and hated the experience. If you didn’t fear the ride, you probably experienced all those symptoms, called it excitement, and had a great time. It’s all a matter of viewpoint.

To change your feelings you have to change your thoughts. There are many ways to accomplish transforming your way of thinking about something. Following are just a few of these tools for taking control of your thoughts and attitudes. When trying out these techniques for the first time, start with something small — a change or event that doesn’t carry a lot of emotional “charge” for you.

1) Look at the bright side.
List three or more positive outcomes that could result from this change. Be creative. Be farfetched. How could this event or change “backfire” into something great?

2) Say Yes!
You must want to change your attitude and believe that you can change how you feel. When you feel threatened, however subtly, by an unexpected change, literally stand tall, open your arms wide, and loudly proclaim, “Yes!”

3) Embrace it.
Visualize the change coming into your life and, with it, all the positive outcomes you listed in step one. Imagine each of these positive events causing other good things to happen. Imagine yourself embracing this new event or change of circumstance and, if possible, physically act out the embrace as you imagine it.

Finally, to reinforce the idea that change is exciting, make a small, intentional change, every day. Eat blueberries in your cereal instead of sliced bananas. Try a yoga class instead of kickboxing. You’ll begin to see how much fun change can be. And speaking of kickboxing, these tools are also great for kick-starting your creativity any time you feel stuck.