For Mother’s Day this year, I traveled up the California coast to Fort Bragg to visit my second-oldest son (whose birthday it also happened to be) and family. We had a great time together: Among other things, we played cards and board games, meandered through the quaint town of Mendocino, took walks and played Frisbee on the beach, visited the fantastically blooming Botanical Gardens in Fort Bragg, ate barbecue at a local restaurant, and splurged on bread pudding for breakfast on Sunday. (Notice the absence of electronically oriented entertainment.)

I came home feeling revitalized and ready to approach a new week with fresh eyes and energy. And I am reflecting, not for the first time, that it is the Little Things that most enrich life—the walks and meals and smiles. Just as it is the Little Things that annoy us the most—the toothpaste squeezed from the wrong end, clothes on the floor, and unwashed dishes in the sink. It’s the Little Things that make or break our days. Perhaps more importantly, where we choose to focus—on the negative or the positive—affects how we perceive the quality of our lives.

For this reason, this week’s journaling prompts are all about The Little Things:

1. Make a list of at least ten Little Things for which you are grateful today. Review the list and write about how you feel and about how you perceive your life as a whole.
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2. Make a list of at least ten Little Things that annoyed you today. Review the list and write about how you feel and about how you perceive your life as a whole.
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3. Read your previous two entries. How does the tone of the prose at the end of the second list differ from the first? Did what you write about affect your mood and perception of life? Freewrite for ten minutes about your observations.
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4. What are the Little Things in your life that make you feel most happy? What in your experience has made those things important to you?
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5. If you could have one—just one—Little Thing be or happen in your life every day, what would that Little Thing be, and why?
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6. If you could chose to never have one Little Thing be or happen in your life—ever—what would it be, and why is that Little Think so annoying or unpleasant that you would ban it forever?
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7. Do you consider yourself to be a “glass-is-half-full” or “glass-is-half-empty” kind of person? Do you focus more on the pleasant or unpleasant sorts of Little Things? Do you feel that you have a choice about how you see things? Either way, in what ways does your way of looking at the world serve you well and in what ways does it not serve you?

I invite you to leave a comment below: share your thoughts about Little Things, as well as any insights you may have discovered after writing to one or more of this week’s prompts.
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Last week’s Brevity Nonfiction Blog article by Sarah Einstein, Weighing Disability and Writing—a blog post about a blog post, which is what I’m doing here—got me thinking about honesty in writing. The original post by Jason B. Dutton on the River Teeth Journal, is about how he worked through questions regarding whether or not to write about his disability (cerebral palsy) when writing personal nonfiction. He writes,

For a while I entertained the idea that I didn’t need to mention cerebral palsy unless the reader needed clarification. But I couldn’t write about a birthday party without mentioning why it took a lot of effort to climb a set of stone steps in front of the birthday girl’s house. I couldn’t write about my longing to be a stage performer without revealing why I can’t perform. Before too long, I realized that cerebral palsy had affected nearly all of my existence in some way or another.

Dutton realized that he couldn’t write about his life without writing about how his disability affects him every day; his challenges and achievements are all related. Dutton’s post struck me as honest and vulnerable in ways I always want my own writing to be. And that made me consider whether we are all handicapped in one way or another. This is not to minimize the challenges that a physically or mentally disabled writer deals with every day—it just made me think about all the invisible emotional injuries we have—the ones that don’t heal correctly, and the ones that affect us in every aspect of our lives.

Acknowledging and writing about these emotional less-than-abilities in clear, factual, vulnerable, and honest ways brings more depth and resonance to our work.

Einstein’s final comments:

Writing about disability isn’t any less significant than writing about anything that is real and true.  Dutton’s insightful look at his own process can help all of us think about what we put on the page when we write ourselves.

Yes, that’s exactly what I meant to say.

What do you think?

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Photo Credit: Andi Jetaime via Compfight
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A wonderful thing happened this week! Eight little ducklings, well hidden under a bush at the base of our house, hatched under the careful care of Momma Mallard. My partner and I had seen Momma around now and then, but until a few days ago, when I accidentally disturbed her from her nest, I had no idea she was making a temporary home in our yard. (Papa disappeared three weeks or a month ago.)

When we realized we were hosting a nest full of beautiful turquoise-green duck eggs, we began tip-toeing around the yard making plans. I read up on mallard behavior, and discovered that it’s actually fairly common for mallards to nest in yards and, if all goes well, it’s likely that Momma will come back year after year to nest in the same place. I also read that she will, after only “a short fledgling period,” take her babies to her usual feeding place (i.e. her pond or lake).

Yesterday, I realized that the eggs had hatched when I spied a broken egg with small, downy feathers sticking to it near the edge of the bush. And this morning, Momma made her appearance, proudly waddling across the patio with all eight babies in tow. Yesterday, we had hosed some water onto the pool cover just for the ducks. They made their way across the yard and onto the pool where they splashed and played and looked very contented—as long as we stayed indoors.

Well, let me tell you, we anticipated days of duckling-watching enjoyment. We talked about buying a kiddie pool and building a little ramp to make it easier for them. We discussed all the reasons Momma may have chosen our yard: water filled with yummy edibles sitting on top of our pool cover, a yard with no dogs or cats, lots of bushes and shrubs to hide behind and, because it had been raining so much, very little activity. I’m sure it seemed like a very private and safe place. And it is!

But … today, we had a family barbecue planned. Complete with grandchildren jumping and splashing into the pool, seven humans wandering around, the smell of cooking meat, footsteps, and absolutely no place for Momma to safely wander with her children. In a huff, she took her babies across the street and disappeared into a neighbor’s side yard.

The disappointment—for I’m sure Momma will not be back—is acute. And it makes me think about the reason for my disappointment: a delicious anticipation of an experience that did not happen as I pictured it would (i.e. Momma and her ducklings spending days playing and wandering around our yard). I enjoyed the feeling of anticipation, and I did not want to give it up.

We’re all like that, aren’t we? We enjoy anticipating holidays and birthdays with family, graduations, celebrations, and continuations of beautiful, unexpected events like Momma Mallard and her babies.

This week’s journaling prompts are all about the emotion of anticipation—when we enjoy it, when we don’t, and what its effects are.

1. Think about a time recently when you happily anticipated an upcoming event or experience. Was the anticipation pleasurable, anxiety-producing, or a little bit of both? Describe the feeling before the experience and the event itself. Did anticipation make the actual event seem more or less than you expected?
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2. Anticipation can have negative connotations as well as positive, depending upon the expectations around the upcoming event. If an event is undesirable, you may experience apprehension, fear, and anxiety; if it’s desirable, you may experience excitement, enthusiasm, and eagerness. Think about a time when you anticipated something you didn’t want. Did anticipation help you respond more quickly to circumstances? Did things work out better or worse than you thought they would? What would you say the overall effect of negative anticipation was?
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3. Perform a word association exercise using the word “anticipation.” What do you notice about the results? Write a short poem using the words you listed.
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4. When you’re looking forward to something pleasurable, are you the kind of person who likes to savor the anticipation, or do you want to get through the event as quickly as possible? Write about what factors in your past experience influenced the way you deal with anticipation.
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5. Do you think anticipating in the positive sense increases or lessens a sense of disappointment? Write about your answer.
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6. When you were a child, what did you most anticipate (i.e. a particular holiday or vacation)? Write about those events and about what generally happened. Were your expectations fulfilled or let down?
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7. Freewrite for ten minutes in response to the following statement from Gretchen Rubin’s  The Happiness Project: “Anticipation is a key stage in happiness; by having something to look forward to, no matter what your circumstances, you bring happiness into your life well before the event actually takes place.”

I invite you to share your stories with us by leaving a comment below What are you anticipating in the near future?
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At writing and journaling workshops, whenever I ask people to raise their hands if they struggle with making journaling a regular habit, I am usually faced with a forest of raised palms. Yet, as I tell them, in order to get the most out of journaling, it’s important to write regularly. And really, it only takes a few minutes. We can all find five minutes somewhere—and yes, we can keep an effective journal in only five minutes a day, with longer sessions when we have more to say.

I think that the hard part for most people—at least in the beginning—is simply remembering to do it.

So I’ve collected a few articles to help those of you who struggle to make journaling a daily habit and for those who would like to learn a few simple techniques for those days when you don’t have much time to write.

In addition to previous articles here on WritingThroughLife.com, I wrote two post for WomensMemoirs.com back in early 2011 titled  Journal Writing Basics: 5 Ways to Get Started and Keep Going and 4 Ways to Support Your Journal Writing Habit with effective and practical advice for making journaling a regular part of your life.

This article by Henna Imam, A Leadership Practice of Journaling, lists eight different things you can write about. If you want to make it simple, pick one to write about each day, and you’ll have eight days’ worth of writing all mapped out.

If you’re a writer, Melissa Donovan’s article about how a commitment to journaling can help writers develop good habits will be of interest to you.

Katie, at Making this Home invites everyone to develop a habit of journaling, saying, “I hate that the stories we think we’ll never forget slip from our memories.” I like her bi-weekly journaling effort because it’s doable. Who can’t write once every other week? Who doesn’t want support writing? Who doesn’t want encouragement? Well, here it is—in spades.

Of course, it helps to have writing prompts handy to get going. Pick up your copy of Week by Week: A Year’s Worth of Writing Prompts and you’ll always have something to write about—guaranteed.

Finally, here are links to four articles about how to build any new habit (such as journaling!):

•    Installing a New Habit and Breaking an Old One
•    18 Tricks to Make New Habits Stick
•    How Long to Form a Habit?
•    How to Keep Creating a New Habit When You Feel Like Giving Up

Share your success with other WritingThroughLife.com readers. If you struggled and then succeeded in making journaling a habit in your life, tell us what worked for you!
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Photo Credit: soartsyithurts via Compfight
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I sat at my patio table, deep in philosophical conversation with a young man. He was referring to a man we’d seen earlier in the day riding a bicycle on the sidewalk in the wrong direction. The man had long, stringy, graying hair, a scruffy beard, and his clothes were grease-stained. He looked like he hadn’t bathed in a month. He rode the bicycle lazily with one hand, his seat set low and his legs pumping into his chest. “The world is full of people like that—people who do nothing to live up to their potential. Really, what right do they have to live? All they’re doing is stealing air from everyone else.” Harsh words.

The young man—I’ll call him Steve—feels that it’s each person’s responsibility to make a positive contribution to the world.

“How can you tell,” I said, “that the man is not contributing? After all, we don’t know him. We have no idea what his life is like. Besides, not everyone has had the advantages you and I have had. For all we know, that man could have worked harder than you or me to get where he is today.”

Steve disagreed. His stance was sure and opinionated and hard, born of youth and a limited view of life. And there was probably not much I could have said to change his mind.

I remember, when I was young, being that opinionated and judgmental myself. I think of myself as more open, wise, and less judgmental now. But I wonder, Am I really all that different? We all judge others. We can’t help it. It’s part of human nature, part of how we decide what’s safe, with whom we belong, and how we identify ourselves. And we’ve all been on both sides of the judgment fence: judging and being judged.

This week’s journaling prompts help us assess where we are on the “judgment scale” and take a deeper look at the motivations beneath the way we judge ourselves and others.

1. In your own words, define what it means to judge others and what it means to judge yourself. Does judgment have a negative or positive connotation, and why? Now define the opposite of judgment.
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2. Perform a word association with the word judgment.Write a short poem or paragraph using words from your list.
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3. What number would you give yourself on the judgment scale, where 10=”highly judgmental” and 1=”highly non-judgmental”? Write the reasons for placing yourself where you did.
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4. Think of a time in your life where you felt negatively judged by someone else. What were the circumstances? What happened, and how did you feel at the time? How did you deal with it? Now write about a time when you were judged positively by someone. Write about the differences between those two scenarios.
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5. Think of a time when you judged someone else negatively, only to have your opinion changed later. Why did you think negatively of the person? What were your underlying beliefs and assumptions about the person at the time? Then, what happened to change your opinion, and how did you feel about that change?
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6. In what circumstances do you judge yourself most harshly? What do you think are the underlying beliefs and emotions beneath this self-judgment? Now, think about times that you’ve been most accepting with yourself? What causes the difference in attitude?
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7. Write about your friends. Which ones are mostly opinionated and judgmental, and which are mostly open and accepting? How do you feel when you’re with them. Do you influence each other in terms of the way you see yourself and others? Freewrite for ten minutes exploring this topic.

Have other thoughts on this topic? Please feel free to leave a comment below.
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Photo Credit: Joe Gratz via Compfight
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I was planning on writing a long and thorough Story Circle Conference wrap-up and then thought—after seeing all the other great summaries of the event—Hey, why re-invent the wheel? There are plenty of other great stories that have already been written.

But before I get to sharing those stories with you, I want to let you know that my Journaling for Memoir presentation went well, I thought, in spite of feeling nervous about my placement during the last session of the last day. I figured everyone would either be busy checking out of the hotel or saturated with writing presentations, and I pictured a large conference room with 7 women in it. So I was truly pleased to find my conference room filled with warm, talented writers. And even the technology worked (something I never count on) in spite of it being my first ever iPad slide presentation!

The entire conference was a lot of writing, listening, playing, thinking, and just plain fun! Roll out the picture gallery …

Gail Straub signing my copy of Returning to My Mother's House

Conference Hall

Presenters Marlene Samuels, Suzanne Sherman, Judy Watters, Carolyn Scarborough, and Yours Truly

More presenters, including Linda Joy Myers (left) and Kentra Butler (right)

Gail Straub @ book signing

And finally, here for your reading pleasure are links to a number of great blog posts about the event:

Dawn, at lifelinesjournaling, shares a poem she read for Open Mic Night.

Kate Farrell, over at Wisdom Has a Voice, writes about what it means to be Deep in the Heart of Texas with an entire group of women writers, as well as a very nice summary of Gail Straub’s keynote speech.

Linda Hoye has written lovely and informative synopses of Day 2 and Day 3.

Pat Bean Played Hooky. Really Pat? But just from the first day, right? I know … ’cause I saw you there

Update: In her comment below, Pat referred to her follow-up post, also titled Deep in the Heart of Texas, in which she summarizes Straub’s talk, “My Mythic Memoir Journey,” in a deeply personal way.

Len Leatherwood, another presenter at SCN writes about her SCN Conference experience on her blog, 20 Minutes a Day.

Over at Search for Soul blog, Sam Heggen has written a heartfelt piece about how attending the conference changed her life. And you know … you can’t wish for better than that.

I’m in Austin, TX for Story Circle Network’s Stories from the Heart VI, a national Women’s Memoir conference, beginning this (Friday) morning. I never miss the conference if I can help it, which offers dynamic workshops, as well as opportunities to make new friends and learn from other women writers. And the best part is that my oldest son and wife live in Austin, so it always feels like I’m coming home, even though I’ve never lived here.

It’s not going to be easy to choose which sessions to attend among many in the four tracks: Finding Our Voices, Nuts & Bolts, Putting Our hearts on Paper, and Storytelling Ways and Means.

This year, I’m privileged to offer my workshop, “Journal Writing for Memoir: Capturing the Past, Present, and Future,” on Sunday morning. In addition to the presentation, I’ll be giving away copies of my book, Week by Week: A Year’s Worth of Journaling Prompts & Meditations, as well as several other prizes. So if you’re at the conference, be sure to be in the ELC room from 11:00-12:30. You must be present to win!

Over the next few days, I’ll be posting updates and a pictures to give you a taste of the happenings here…

SCN’s very own Peggy Moody with Registration Volunteers.

Imagine hotel hallways filled with women writers!
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Dogwood Blossoms

I can’t help but breathe deeply. The world is blossoming around me, coming to life through leaf and stem, flower and fragrance. With the late spring rains and near-constant cloud cover, it hasn’t been nearly warm enough for me, but the pink dogwood outside my back door doesn’t seem to mind. In fact, it seems to be relishing the weather. Yellow and white daffodils, red and orange flaming tulips, and cherry blossoms decorate the neighborhood. Even the cacti are making colorful statements.

Blossoming—the quintessential image of spring—has metaphorical as well as literal connotations: growing, becoming one’s true self, opening up, expanding, awakening, reaching potential, and maturing, to name a few. When my students find their voice, I think of them as blossoming as writers. My daughter, at 26, is blossoming into a woman. My youngest son, a man. Blossoming isn’t always positive, however: Pain sometimes blossoms in my low back, and explosions can blossom into mushroom clouds.

How do you relate to blossoming?

This week’s journal writing prompts are designed to explore this seasonally inspired topic:

1. Create a cluster, using the word blossom as your nucleus. Write for 10 minutes using your cluster for inspiration.
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2. Complete the following sentence: I am blossoming in …
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3. Who in your life seems to be blossoming and in what ways? How do you know, and how do you feel about it?
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4. Look up blossom in your thesaurus. Which synonym do you not usually think of when you think about blossoming? Write a couple of paragraphs about your life using that synonym. Alternatively, write about a time in your life using as many synonyms for blossoming as you can.
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5. What is the opposite of blossoming? Write a couple of paragraphs about your life from that point of view.
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6. Make a list of 100 ways to blossom. It’s not as difficult as it seems—write quickly, don’t stop, it’s okay to repeat, allow yourself to “color outside the lines” of your normal definitions.
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7. Take a walk and go to a local park, noticing how many different kinds of flowers are blooming. Breathe deeply. When you return home, write about the experience. Include as many details as possible, incorporating all 5 senses.

I invite you to share some of your responses and/or writing by leaving a comment. What did you write? Did you learn anything new or perceive something in a new and unexpected way?
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Journaling for Memoir Writers 2 begins today, April 9th. Last day to enroll! Learn powerful journal writing techniques to preserve your memories and life events for the future. Don’t wait!
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This week’s Blogtalk rounds up a few more articles for you about how we choose to conceive and tell our life stories. Check out the following links and let me know what you think.

Kathy Hansen’s recent interview with Mary Daniels Brown at AStoriedCareer.com is worth reading if you’re considering writing about your life. As Brown succinctly says, “The same event narrated from two different perspectives will produce two different stories.” Choosing your perspective in life is at the heart of Brown’s work. I think the same goes for your narrator.

Seth Godin’s Extending the Narrative is all about the persistence of stories we tell ourselves about ourselves: “If you went to bed as a loyal company man or an impatient entrepreneur or as the put-upon retiree or the lady who lunches, chances are you woke up that way as well.” He suggests we might want to take another look at how we were perceive ourselves and to ask, “Is this a reflex that’s part of my long-told story, or is this actually a good decision?”

Worried about Putting People to Sleep with your stories? If you follow Rob Biesenbach’s 5 ways to make your stories more interesting, you’ll be off to a good start.

Along the same line of thought, a blog site called Stories to Tell has a worthy article about how to choose which life stories to include in your memoir.

Did you know that Salon.com has a section called Life Stories? I didn’t. I think I’ve found a new way to distract myself from writing …

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Photo Credit: gaspi *yg via Compfight

Time heals all wounds, they say. Except when it doesn’t. In my experience, time can dull pain, remove us from the immediacy of a traumatic event or loss, and make us feel as though we should get over our pain and grief. But time, by itself, doesn’t heal. So what does?

Healing emotional wounds is a complex process, and there is no one-size-fits-all remedy. However, since the 1980s studies have repeatedly shown that writing about the trauma can help. According to James W. Pennebaker, PhD, one of the leading authorities on the effects and practices of writing for healing,

The evidence is mounting that the act of writing about traumatic experience for as little as fifteen or twenty minutes a day for three or four days can produce measurable changes in physical and mental health. Emotional writing can also affect people’s sleeping habits, work efficiency, and how they connect to others. Indeed, when we put our traumatic experiences into words, we tend to become less concerned with the emotional events that have been weighing us down.*

Do you continue to be weighed down by events in the past? Writing about those events honestly and from your heart can help you make meaning of what happened, as well as better understand others’ points of view. If you’ve tried writing and it hasn’t helped, perhaps a new approach to writing about the trauma might help. For the most positive effects, choose an emotional issue that is currently bothering you and where enough time has elapsed that you feel ready to write about it; there’s no need to open up traumas that have already scarred over or to force yourself to write about something that is too painful to think about.

This week’s journal writing prompts offer a number of different ways to write about loss or trauma. This week, try something new:

1. How has this trauma or issue influenced other aspects of your life: work, family, personal relationships, living situation, and so on?
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2. In what ways has this emotional upheaval made you more vulnerable, and in what ways has it make you less vulnerable?
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3. What have you learned by going through this trauma that now affects the way you make decisions? Write about positive decisions you’ve made or believe you will make as a result of what you went through.
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4. Write a letter to your past self—the self that went through the loss or trauma—from your today self. What would you say to comfort her? What advice would you give? Offer your past self the acceptance and love that s/he needs.
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5. Write about the event in the third person, as though it happened to someone else. Change the location and, if possible, the gender of this someone else. After you’ve described the event and its effects on the person, read your story aloud. How does reading and hearing about the event as though it happened to someone else change your perspective?
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6. If you’ve suffered as a result of someone else’s actions, write about the event from his or her perspective. What was his background and what was going on in his life at the time? What does forgiving another person mean, and what would it take for you to forgive him or her?
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7. Write for twenty minutes, beginning with, “If that hadn’t happened, I …” let whatever comes up, come up, write about it.

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* Writing to Heal: A guided Journal for Recovering from Trauma & Emotional Upheaval, James W. Pennebaker, Ph.D., 2004, Raincoast Books.

Photo Credit: Miss Cartier via Compfight
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